Something else I will be sharing is what I want to share with my cyber friends right now. I find myself in an awkward place emotionally right now. As some of you know my wife Jasmine is pregnant. She is due on April 18,2017. So we are around half way there! WOOT!
We are celebrating and thankful for this pregnancy and all the wonderful plans in store for our child but we still mourn our last child who died prenatal (sometime around 6-8 weeks).
I don't know if I will ever stop mourning or if I ever half to. After all I still mourn (maybe a better word is: Miss) my mother who passed away 9 years ago. What I do have left, of those who have gone before me, are my memories and my time of mourning.
In processing my pain, last July (2015), I constructed a poem. I do not find myself very creative (though my wife would say otherwise), but blogging and writing has become a place where I have been able to think, process, celebrate, and even mourn tragedy in my life.
It is the place where as Bill Randall says, "I can get it up and out."
Below I just wanted to share the poem that I wrote about 16 months ago. This is raw and it is real. And its a little long (sorry for that!!). But I hope it inspires someone out there that is currently going through a tragedy. I hope it inspires you and gives you permission to mourn, to cry, to process, and when it's time: to heal.
Christ
came for me- by Jeff Slattery
Christ came
for me.
I was
lost. I was dead. I was without hope.
But then
He came.
He came
for me.
You see, I
like to take credit for coming to God.
It was my
idea.
I thought
of it.
I was
smart and jumped on the lifeboat of my salvation.
But
without Christ I couldn’t see.
I was
blind. I was hurt. I was dead.
But then
He came.
A light
came into the darkness.
A Voice
spoke into the silence.
A love
came into the hatred.
From death
to life through the one who made it all.
But why?
I cannot
say.
I cannot
fathom why? I would not have done the same.
Give my
only son?
But He
came.
He came
for me.
I was lost
but now I’m found, was blind but now I see.
So I will
not boast in anything.
But I will
boast in the One who came for me.
For on the
day He came.
I was
changed.
Forever.
And He
came to make me a son.
Me?
Adopted in his holy family.
Not only a
son but crucified with Christ.
For on
that day He died,
I died
too.
Died to
myself.
So I’ll
raise my white flag
I
surrender all to you.
All for
you.
I
surrendered when he came.
Yes, He
came for me.
And he came for her.
Eight
weeks with no heartbeat.
Feeling
nothing but defeat.
And Death seemed
to win the day
But it
does not have the final say.
For you
were fearfully and wonderfully made
But I…I was so afraid, I prayed and I prayed.
But I…I was so afraid, I prayed and I prayed.
John Green
said some infinities are bigger than others
How fair is that to me or your mother?
How fair is that to me or your mother?
My only
hope is that Christ came for you.
When death
thought it could get you down.
The Savior came and spun you around.
The Savior came and spun you around.
He’s
holding you as a smile appears on your face.
Heaven; what a wonderful place.
Heaven; what a wonderful place.
Say Hi to your grandma when you can
She’ll tell you about the buccos and how she was the biggest fan.
Your
parents? We’ll be alright.
Learning to surrender to God with all our might.
Learning to surrender to God with all our might.
And Christ will come again.
You see, The story goes.
Christ has
died, Christ has risen, Christ will come again.
The Life I
now live is all looking forward to the age to come.
When
Christ comes I will be made like Him.
In a
twinkling of an eye, You and I will be changed.
He will
wipe away your tear
Nothing to
fear
For the
Savior is Here.
And death
shall be no more. .
The dead
shall rise
We shall
see our prize.
Risen King
Jesus
Who came
for us.
May you know that Christ has come for you! May you know that He loves you so much. May you know that the value of your life was determined by Jesus dying on the Cross. You are literally worth dying for. Yes, even you. Yes, even when you did that ONE thing. He came; not to make you perfect. Not even so you could become perfect. But so He could show you true love.
Happy Thanksgiving (Eve).
Sincerely, a sinner turned Saint by the grace of God.
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