Guilt is when you do something wrong and you feel bad about it. This is good. If you didn't feel guilty for doing something wrong you would continue to do the injustice.
Shame is when do something wrong and even after you ask for forgiveness you still feel bad about it. Shame can cause people to go down some serious roads that are not fun. Including but not limited to low self-esteem, depression, cutting, and even taking one's on life.
In some cultures shame is an important aspect of life. Last week, I heard a missionary that was stationed in Japan, tell a heart wrenching fact. This was that in Japan shame is important. But they think it is honor that they are protecting. Let me explain: In Japan if you do something wrong you do not ask for forgiveness but you bow down until you believe it has been long enough. In addition, their culture holds perfection as the ideal. If one is under such pressure they go into their room and do not come out for a very long time. This is very common in Japan. In addition, the most honorable way to die in Japan is to take one's own life. Countless people have died because they cannot live up to the standard of their society.
What about you? Have you ever felt shame. "Shame on you," someone might utter. Do they realize what they are saying? Words are powerful. They have the power to kill and the power to heal. Which way are you choosing to use your words today?
This topic of shame gets even more personal when we talk about religion. Religious shame is the worst because it pends eternal damnation if you do not listen to what I have to say. Religion was never meant to be about controlling another person but expressing love.
I think of my religious upbringing and of my current occupation. (as a youth pastor). How much shame have parents put on their children to live a life without mistakes? They do this primarily because they themselves have made mistakes and they would be heartbroken for they made the same mistakes.
The good news is that you do not have to live in shame. Shame is a lie. You are good enough. You have a purpose. I believe that if you are reading this that you have a purpose because you have a father in Heaven that loves you.
No matter what you have done or what has been done to you. He loves you. I believe that. I am a Christian. I believe that Jesus was and is a real person and is really God. That he died the death that we deserved so that we could live the life that he deserved. He was the prefect sacrifice for your, mine, our sin.
If you struggle with shame I want to let you know that you are not the first person and you will not be the last. This is a universal issue. Some deal with it more than others. Did you know that the first humans dealt with shame?
This story is at least 6,000 years old (depending on how you date the earth. I believe it is older than 6,000 but that is a discussion for another time).
The story includes God creating the first humans. Adam and Eve. (not Adam and Steve). I know I am very insensitive and I repent of that in JESUS NAME!
Anyhow, God creates the first humans and places them a garden. He calls this place Eden. Eden is wonderful. There is an all you can eat buffet of food, a life time of no work, and the best gift ever they were both naked.
This place is perfect except for one thing. A serpent. Some made this story literal, some don't. Some make the serpent the devil while others say he is a representation of evil. If you need to believe this story is literal then that is okay and if you are on the other side of the boat and believe that this story is a legend you can still learn a lot as well.
God instructs the person humans that they may eat from any tree in the garden except for the "tree of the knowledge of good and evil." He tells them that if they eat from the tree that they will surely die.
Enter the serpent.
He approaches Eve (the woman) and asks her a question: "Did God really say you should not eat from any tree in the garden?"
Eve responses but adds something to what God says, "God said, 'You must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and you must not touch it, or you will die.'"
Did you catch it?
You must not even touch it! God didn't tell her that. Of course we all do that. We imagine what people think or say to us and add in shame.
She was fearful. God gave them a good rule. He knew that if they knew the implications of their sin that not only would they be filled with shame but all the other negative emotions in the world. God was trying to spare humankind from having to deal with death and hatred and pain. But He also knew that humans needed to posses free-will.
The serpent tells the woman that if they eat from the fruit they will be like God knowing good and evil. But the question we must ask is why did they want to be more like God? After all if one reads back a few pages in the Bible he or she will realize that God created humans in His image.
They were already like God! They just didn't trust him. They had pride in their own ability.
The shame game continues as God goes into the garden to find Adam and Eve. The first thing they do is hide. They hide because they realized they were naked.
The shame game turns into the blame game as each person begins to blame the other for their error.
God could not shamed them and killed them and started over again. But instead he had a different plan. He didn't give them a get out of jail free card. There were consequences to their actions. But he made them a promise. The promise was that one day He would send His Son Jesus who would be the seed of the woman into the world to save the world from their sins.
What a promise. What a loving loving daddy. That even though we were in the right. We disobeyed the God of the universe. He thought of a plan of redemption.
Adam and Eve should have felt guilty. They disobeyed God. When you do something wrong I give you permission to feel bad about it. Because you feel bad you will make sure things are renewed. I also want to give you permission not to feel shameful though.
I want to encourage you to realize that when you make a mistake that your mistake is not your identity. You are a son or a daughter of God. You were created in the image of God and made with a purpose. I pray that you find your identity as a children of God and find vision and purpose in your life.
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