Have you ever heard the phrase "True Love Waits?" In case you have not heard of this Christian Pro-abstinence group I would like to share what Wikipedia says about them:
Before I go too deep into this subject, I want to lay down some disclaimers
1) I believe that sex was created by God as a good gift to His children between one man and one woman to enjoy with-in the covenant of marriage.
2) The idea of sex has become distorted through homosexuality, premarital sex, and porn. Homosexual is not always a choice but neither are tendencies toward premarital sex, and addictions toward porn.
I believe that God created everything good. Sometimes we fall into the duelist mindset and claim that some things are from God while others are not. We say some things are "holy" like church, and praying, and fasting, and reading your bible. While other things are not, like smoking, drinking, and sex.
Instead, I want to pose the idea that God created functions such as sex as a gift for a man and a woman to enjoy. When I consider God up in Heaven when He created humans I imaged his love for us as he gave sex organs to his children. He said, "They are going to love me for this!"
So, Sex is good inside of marriage. Or so I have been told. As I am currently engaged. But I know the sensation that a kiss brings and hunger to consummate from marriage in a few months.
I love purity groups. They are wonderful. But sometimes I think they do more harm than good. They tell boys and girls not to have sex. But for what reason? Because God says so!
Does He? I still haven't found that verse in the Bible. ;)
There are much more psychological reasons behind preserving sexuality than Biblical! For example, consider someone who sticks one's tongue to the flag pole in winter. This of course was done because he or she or YOU were dared during your childhood. Once you stick your tongue to the flagpole there is only one way to unstick it. Pull as hard as you can and stream bloody mary.
What happens? part of your tongue is stuck to the flag pole. Forever.
When you engage in sexual activities just to try it and then there is a breakup you leave part of your tongue (heart) with that person.
That's probably why the Scriptures command of us: "Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life."
The problem I have with most teachings on Abstinence is not that they teach that one should wait to have sex but that they tend to bring your focus on waiting for your lover. If you don't have sex before you are married, if you don't look at porn, if you don't do this or that then you will find the perfect love of your life and live happily ever after.
The problem is that this is a false narrative. It is a false reality because no one person can fulfill on of your desires. Yet people transfer their sexual/finical/emotional desires and place them on someone else.
The slogan is "True love waits." But true love doesn't wait.
Jesus is my true love. He is the lover of my soul. John, a man who followed Jesus 2000 years said this of Jesus: "No greater love than this that a man laid down his life for his friends."
That is what Jesus did. Not only did he lay down his life for his friends 2000 years ago. He laid down his life for anyone and everyone. He paved the way for us to have an intimate relationship with the eternal God of the universe.
True love doesn't wait in your relationships either. If the relationship is one of romance then there is a need to to display one's love for another without breaking boundaries that the two set up. But if one looks for love in another in order to fill complete he or she will not find it.
I don't know everything about love but I have learned at least one thing. A relationship is about giving love not receiving it. Giving love is hard but it is the purpose of all relationship. It shows even greater love toward someone when you give love to someone when they cannot love you back.
True love does not wait for the other to straighten out before they love or have a strict list of rules in order for love to happen. True love is unconditional full of grace and truth. True love is Jesus and His love never runs out on us.
The other problem I have with many Abstinence groups is that they teach that you need to preserve yourself for the "ONE." I write this blog after watching the series finale of "How I meet your mother." This show was amazing but reinforcements the idea that there is a perfect person for each person out there. That the universe, or karma or in Christian circles God will provide your soul mate!
But do we have a soul mate? A perfect one? I would say we do not. After all love is a choice. Love is a choice one must make every day. And because we are not puppets it makes love all that more powerful. That we choose to look beyond the imperfections in others, treasure hunt for their their good qualities and love each other even when it is hard.
True love does not wait. Choose today to love the person next to you. In doing so you will make a difference at least in one person's life.
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