True love doesn't wait

Have you ever heard the phrase "True Love Waits?" In case you have not heard of this Christian Pro-abstinence group I would like to share what Wikipedia says about them: 

According to Wikipedia, True Love Waits is an international Christian group that promotes sexual abstinence outside of marriage for teenagers and college students. TLW was created in April, 1993 by the Southern Baptists, and is sponsored by LifeWay Christian Resources.

Before I go too deep into this subject, I want to lay down some disclaimers 

1) I believe that sex was created by God as a good gift to His children between one man and one woman to enjoy with-in the covenant of marriage. 

2) The idea of sex has become distorted through homosexuality, premarital sex, and porn. Homosexual is not always a choice but neither are tendencies toward premarital sex, and addictions toward porn. 

I believe that God created everything good. Sometimes we fall into the duelist mindset and claim that some things are from God while others are not. We say some things are "holy" like church, and praying, and fasting, and reading your bible. While other things are not, like smoking, drinking,  and sex. 

Instead, I want to pose the idea that God created functions such as sex as a gift for a man and a woman to enjoy. When I consider God up in Heaven when He created humans I imaged his love for us as he gave sex organs to his children. He said, "They are going to love me for this!" 

So, Sex is good inside of marriage. Or so I have been told. As I am currently engaged. But I know the sensation that a kiss brings and hunger to consummate from marriage in a few months. 

I love purity groups. They are wonderful. But sometimes I think they do more harm than good. They tell boys and girls not to have sex. But for what reason? Because God says so!

Does He? I still haven't found that verse in the Bible. ;) 

There are much more psychological reasons behind preserving sexuality than Biblical! For example, consider someone who sticks one's tongue to the flag pole in winter. This of course was done because he or she or YOU were dared during your childhood. Once you stick your tongue to the flagpole there is only one way to unstick it. Pull as hard as you can and stream bloody mary. 

What happens? part of your tongue is stuck to the flag pole. Forever. 

When you engage in sexual activities just to try it and then there is a breakup you leave part of your tongue (heart) with that person. 

That's probably why the Scriptures command of us: "Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life." 

The problem I have with most teachings on Abstinence is not that they teach that one should wait to have sex but that they tend to bring your focus on waiting for your lover. If you don't have sex before you are married, if you don't look at porn, if you don't do this or that then you will find the perfect love of your life and live happily ever after. 

The problem is that this is a false narrative. It is a false reality because no one person can fulfill on of your desires. Yet people transfer their sexual/finical/emotional desires and place them on someone else. 

The slogan is "True love waits." But true love doesn't wait. 

Jesus is my true love. He is the lover of my soul. John, a man who followed Jesus 2000 years said this of Jesus: "No greater love than this that a man laid down his life for his friends." 

That is what Jesus did. Not only did he lay down his life for his friends 2000 years ago. He laid down his life for anyone and everyone. He paved the way for us to have an intimate relationship with the eternal God of the universe. 

True love doesn't wait in your relationships either. If the relationship is one of romance then there is a need to to display one's love for another without breaking boundaries that the two set up. But if one looks for love in another in order to fill complete he or she will not find it. 

I don't know everything about love but I have learned at least one thing. A relationship is about giving love not receiving it. Giving love is hard but it is the purpose of all relationship. It shows even greater love toward someone when you give love to someone when they cannot love you back. 

True love does not wait for the other to straighten out before they love or have a strict list of rules in order for love to happen. True love is unconditional full of grace and truth. True love is Jesus and His love never runs out on us. 

The other problem I have with many Abstinence groups is that they teach that you need to preserve yourself for the "ONE." I write this blog after watching the series finale of "How I meet your mother." This show was amazing but reinforcements the idea that there is a perfect person for each person out there. That the universe, or karma or in Christian circles God will provide your soul mate! 

But do we have a soul mate? A perfect one? I would say we do not. After all love is a choice. Love is a choice one must make every day. And because we are not puppets it makes love all that more powerful. That we choose to look beyond the imperfections in others, treasure hunt for their their good qualities and love each other even when it is hard. 

True love does not wait. Choose today to love the person next to you. In doing so you will make a difference at least in one person's life.  

The sun will come up tomorrow.

Last night I was able to travel to Saint Marys High School to watch their drama department perform the musical entitled, "Annie." A girl in my youth group/church was performing and I thought it would be nice to go over and show my support. I can't lie this musical blew me away. They hit it out of the park. They used 60 or so little kids as orphans in the scene of "It's a hard knock life for us." In addition, the little girl who played Annie (I found out she was only in 7th grade), blew the crowd away. With her charm, wit, and amazing voice.

If you have never seen the musical Annie here is the synopsis.  Annie is about an 11 year old Orphan who lives in an Orphanage with many other orphans in NYC. Annie has hope that her parents are still alive because she has a letter and half a locket from them. She gets invited over to a Billionaire's house (Oliver Warbucks) for two weeks to spend the Christmas season. She loves it there but wishes she could be with  her parents. When Mr. Warbucks discovers that Annie wants her parents found he hires over 50 FBI agents and conducts a nation-wide search to find Annie's parents. Many couples try to trick the billionaire  and his assistant saying, "We are Annie's parents." because they desire the 50,000 dollar cash reward. In the end, the FBI agents discover that Annie's parents passed away many years ago. This leads to a heart wrenching scene  but in the end Mr. Warbucks adopts Annie into his family. It concludes with Annie calling Mr. Warbucks, "Daddy."

Through out this movie the little girl is stunning in her optimism. She sings the song, "Tomorrow," countless times to cheer the mood. She knows that even though the situation is looking bad that things will be better tomorrow. In the orphanage she cheers the "children" up by singing tomorrow. She even sings it to the FDR when the presidential cabinet is feeling depressed.  She inspires the president to come up with the "New Deal."

There are a four things that I learned watching the musical last night.

1) Community is necessary in order to make it through tough times.

The first place we see this in "Annie" is at the orphanage. When we have things in common with each other we are able to bond over our common interests and when tough times arise use that developed relationship to lean back on. The girls held a common bond of their hatred toward Miss Hannigan.

Looking at our own lives. When do you find healing? By yourself? Only over time? Those are myths. We find healing by getting whatever is bothering us up and out. James, the brother of Jesus, said it this way: "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." 

I am not saying that if you confess your sins and hurts to God that you will not find forgiveness and even healing. But how much more can you find comfort and healing if you walk with your brother or sister in Christ through your tough time! 

I believe this is where we often time drop the ball. We are too focus on ourselves and not the needs of the other. The common bond of believing in Jesus for our salvation is the greatest bond in all of the world. If a rag tag bunch of little girls from the great depression can band together over their hatred for Miss Hannigan how much more can we band together over our love for Jesus! 

2) When tough times come we can see the brighter side. 

Annie sings her song "Tomorrow" in which she proclaims a promise she believes to be true. She says, "The sun will come up tomorrow. Thinking about tomorrow will clear away the cobwebs and the sorrow. The sun will come up tomorrow. You're only a day away." 

Wow. What a promise she was able to hold onto. And guess what? She was right. When we are negative and fill our minds with those negative thoughts we trap ourselves. But when we start looking on the brighter side of those we can start to have positive thoughts. Positive words produce positive thoughts which produce positive actions. 

The idea of hope within the Christian framework is often under underestimated. 

Jesus came to bright hope two fold. 

a)  In the future. 

The scriptures end with a promise. Jesus promised when he returns that, "He will wipe away every tear from our eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." 

What a great promise. That there will be a time when there is no more hatred. No more fear. No more discrimination. We will be completely free to be all we have been designed to be by God. I hate crying. I don't think many people like it. There will be a day when you can't cry because there will be no need to cry!

b) Right now. 

The hope that Jesus brings now is to be with us through tough times. 

One of the last words that Jesus told his disciples before he was killed was, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." 

He is telling them that they are going to have some tough times ahead. Some of them will even die for their faith. Jesus does not give them a pass on persecution. What he does give them is a promise. He says that I will be with you. I will walk beside you. 

Reflecting back on my own journey: I am incredibly thankful that God allowed bad things to occur in my life. I would not be the same person if I had not been tested with difficult situations in my life. 

Jesus does not promise an easy life for you or for me. He does promise that he will be with us through it all. And that is a better promise. Because the sun will come up tomorrow and when it comes up you and I will be stronger. 

3) God adopts us into his family

There is this great parallel between Annie and the Bible referring to adoption and selfless love. In the musical Annie, Annie is adopted by Mr. Warbucks. Mr. Warbucks knew there was something missing in his life. He had all the money, fame, and possessions in the world. What he did not have was someone to spend his life with.

In the same way, God adopts us into His family. God has all the money, fame and possessions in the world. What does he need? Nothing. No one. But He yearned for a relationship with us. His yearning was so great that He sent Jesus to the cross in order to gain a relationship with us.

Saint Paul said it this way:
"But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children. And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, "Abba, Father."

I love that at the end of the musical, Annie calls Mr. Warbucks "Daddy." They no longer had an impersonal relationship. She no longer was an orphan but a child of her daddy. 

In the same way, we can call out to our Abba, Father. Abba means our daddy. We now have a deep relationship with the one who created the universe. Not only can we believe that the sun will come up tomorrow; we can know the One who has designed the sun to come up tomorrow.

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4) God has big things for us. But it might look different then what we had planned.

You might have heard this Bible verse before talking about the future:

"For I know the plans I have for you, declare the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." (Jer 29:11)

These words are completely true but often misused. Many look at these words and think if I follow God I will be living on "Easy Street." It is true that God has plans for us and they are good plans but never once are we promised to have an easy life.

In context with the rest of the Bible, Jeremiah is writing a letter to people that follow God but are trapped in a land that was not there own. They were hearing rumors that they were only going to be there for a little while. But God spoke through Jeremiah to tell them they were going to be there for awhile! (See Jeremiah 29:4-10)

He is telling them the opposite of what many believe about this verse. He is telling them that life is going to be tough but it is part of God's plan. He is telling them that God's plan for them is to live in exile for right now. They need to learn and grow and mature.

He goes on to tell them that He will bring them into a better situation but it is going to be awhile. This is where are confidence and faith needs to be in that God knows what he is doing. Life was tough and they had a choice whether to believe and trust that God was going to fulfill his promise.

Two things can happen when you are going through a tough time.

a) The first is that God might change your position.

This is what happened to Annie. She was living in the orphanage when the assistant to Mr. Warbucks comes in and choose Annie over the other children.

For Annie this is not what she thought was going to happen. Her dream was finding out who her parents were and living with them forever.

That didn't happen. But that's okay. Because it all worked out. God had something better in store for Annie and usually God has something better for us that what we are thinking about. We tend to settle for what we think is best. But God has something way better planned for us.

b) The second is that God might change your perspective.

That's what happened to the followers of God in Jeremiah 29. They thought they were going to have a change in position. That God was going to come in and get them out of there. Instead, God came in and changed the way they thought.

He said, "You are going to be here for awhile."

He said, "Build houses, settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters away in marriage. Seek the peace and prosperity of the city. Because when it prospers so will you prosper."

Sometimes we are looking for an out when the situation gets tough. More times then not I have learned that God is using that situation to change me. Transform for into the person He desires me to be. Because if I am able to overcome a tragedy then I can bring hope to someone else down the road.

We need to remember that when life does seem hopeless that the Sun will come up tomorrow and that God is using everything in our lives for our good.

Holy Slumber (A theology of Sleep)

I love to sleep. I am not kidding. It is one of my favorite things to do. I heard somewhere that adults need to have between 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night. Frankly, that is not enough. I believe a good night's sleep includes 9 to 10 hours of sleep.

I wrote in my previous blog that I was traveling with my girlfriend, Jasmine Benton, on an eight day road trip. This road trip included going to: Skyline Chili, A Spurs/Cavs Basketball Game, my brother tom's house in Madison, The Tracy's in Fort Mill, SC, Jasmine's Father's house in Tampa, a pirates spring training game, bowling, the beach, Genghis Grill, Starbucks (a few times), and of course Chick-fil-a.

Wow. Did I mention we drove to all these places. Roughly 40 hours of driving. A good time for connecting with my girl and see most of the east coast for sure. But it was a long trip.

Jasmine's father, Kevin Benton, approved of me and he said something of me that affirmed the truth that I already knew, "boy you are a deep sleeper." His statement came from the fact that while I was in Florida, I slept through three trains coming through the town and a transformer blowing up in addition to Mr. Benton coming into and out of the youth room in which we were sleeping.

In many ways, I am similar to Jasmine's father. (Maybe Freud's theory that you marry someone similar to your opposite gender parent is true).  We both are in ministry, both love sports, both enjoy singing to the songs on the radio (making up new lyrics where we feel necessary). But in some areas we are not.

Kevin and Vanessa (Jasmine's father and step-mother) are borderline workaholics.  It was very difficult for me to write that previous statement for two reasons. 1) As humans we are never confined to a label because we are constantly changing and transforming. 2)  Kevin Benton is a church planter. So, in addition to working a 40 hour job he puts in a full time job working at the church. I have no idea how difficult that is.

But the reality is work can cause stress in a individual's life that can influence other dynamics. One area is sleep. If there is always one more thing to be done then that is more important sleep or getting that one thing done? To a person that values sleep it is sleep to a person obsessed with work it is that one more thing.

Getting enough sleep, eating healthy and exercising are the three biggies in lowering one's stress level.  I am not perfect in any of these areas but I see the need to continually improve my sleeping conditions, eating a little better and working out when I can.

As I was driving (well when it was Jasmine's turn to drive) back from Florida I opened the book of Psalms and decided to read the chapter for the day. I was on Psalm 4 and was shocked as the author talked about sleep! David wrote the majority of the Psalms, including this one. He is seen as a Biblical Hero for many but really he was just as imperfect as you and me. This is the same David who was a Shepherd, kills Goliath, becomes king of Israel and called a man after God's own heart. Did I forget to mentioned he also committed Adultery, got her pregnant, and killed the husband.

How does one go from being this guy on fire for God to going on a slippery slope of sin? Or maybe I should pose a question that is more personal: How you go from being on fire for God to being on a slippery slope of sin?

Well, maybe it would be helpful to know a little bit more about David in order to know what happened. He was king over Israel and his army was off at war. He decided, instead of fighting with his men, that he was going to sit at home. It was there that he was able to look out his window and see a beautiful young lady. And the rest was history.

David sinned against God because he was slumbering in his house instead of fighting in the battle.

Sleep is good but too much slumbering and laziness can cause your mind to wonder. Stress occurs in our lives when we do things that we believe our wrong. Think into your own life. When do you fall into the same old bad habits? When you are alone. Because there is no accountability of friends.

Many years later David writes Psalm 4 as a warning and a plead for balance between rest and work. He said, "Tremble and do not sin; when you are on your bed, search your hearts and be silent."

Do not sin when you are on your bed but rather search and silent your heart. I wonder where he learned that?

David concludes this Psalm by saying: "In peace, I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety."

 The problem with many people (including myself), in 21st century USA, is that we are go, go, go. And then we wonder why we are so tired at night. In a society that promotes working your butt off include you get burnt out I want to give you permission today to stop. To take a few breathes. God has important things for you to do but they can wait. Your job/calling/vocation whatever can wait. Spending time alone with God gives you and I the energy and motivation to be all we are.

God needs to be our primarily focus, followed by time with our family, followed by our jobs and other activities. If other areas in your life are lacking think but to the last time you were allowed with God. I am not talking about reading your bible or listening to worship music (though I am not against those activites). But just alone. You and him. Your heavenly daddy. I realize not all of my readings are Christians but even if you don't identify as a follower of Jesus He is still your daddy and He loves you.

May you mediate on these words as you go through out your day:

The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul.


May you quiet yourself today and allow your Good Shepherd to bring you peace.