"Hey dad look at me. Think back and talk to me. Did I grow up according to plan? And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do? But it hurts when you disapprove all along. And now I try hard to make it. I just wanna make you proud. I'm never gonna be good enough for you. Can't pretend that I'm alright. And you can't change me. Cause we lost it all. Nothing lasts forever. I'm sorry, I can't be perfect. Now it's just too late and We can't go back. I'm sorry. I can't be perfect."
It is hard to be perfect. It is hard to live up to someone's exceptions. It drives us to addictions. To seek love in all the wrong places. It leads to psychological problems as well.
Why can't I be loved. We can't be loved because we do not meet or reach someone's exceptions for us. Feelings of worthlessness as we cry out. We cry out "I just wanna make you proud." We scream desperately, "I'm never gonna be good enough for you."
Throughout the age of Psychology many smart Psychologist of theorized on how one develops a good self-esteem and self-worth. For example, Erik Erikson (one of my favorite Psychologists) suggest that individuals have a basic conflict they need to overcome throughout their lives. If they fail to overcome they will be predisposed to act in a certain way for the reminder of their lives. The infancy stage goes through the conflict of trust vs. mistrust. Children develop a sense of trust when caregivers provide reliability, care, and affection. A lack of this will lead to mistrust in relationship as they develop into adulthood. This theory supposes that one cause of a young lady not being able to be intimate with her boyfriend/husband/partner is because she did not develop a foundation of trust at an early age.
I could go on and go about these different psychological approaches. I love them but I do not want to put you to sleep if this is not a passion of yours. My main point is that their has been different theories to "prove" why individuals strive in certain situations and fail in others.
What does this have to do with being perfect? Everything. I believe that the way one views one's earthly father determines how one sees their Heavenly Father (GOD). I am not claiming a direct correlated in my study but I believe it makes sense. I am also not saying that if you have a distant father that you have to view God as distant and not close but simply that you are more likely to view God in that way compared to someone who had a close relationship with their biological father.
Take 30 seconds and think about it. How was your relationship with your father? Has it influenced the way you view your Heavenly Father?
Some people had/have fathers that our very strict and demand perfection. The song lyrics above were popular because many people could relate to the lyrics. As a result, they view God in this way. After all God is perfect.
If you are reading this today and you have struggle with having to be perfect for someone else including or excluding God I give you permission to stop trying. If you are a following of God (which I highly advise) I want to let you know that there is nothing you cannot do not make God love you any more or less today or ever. He showed His perfect love to you by giving up His only Son to establish a relationship with us.
Many Christians believe that if they could follow all of the laws of the Old Testament that there would have not been any need for Jesus to come into the world. The problem with this theory is that both the falleness of humanity and of God's good gift of grace was already introduced into the world before the Ten Commandments were given. God made a promise to bless all nations to an undeserving geezer named Abram. Andy Standley says it look this: "God initiated a relationship with his people before he even told them what the rules were."
Saint Paul, in the New Testament, reminds us that the law makes us aware of our sin "I would not have known what sin was had it not been for the law" (see Romans 7:7). Realizing we have sinned and are not perfect does not lead one to depression but rather leads one to search for a Savior. This Savior, named Jesus, fulfilled the promise that God gave to Abram thousands of years ago. God enabled us to have a relationship with him despite not being perfect because when Jesus died on the cross we traded our imperfection for His perfection. Since Jesus was fully human and fully God he did not sin (break a rule). And was therefore the perfect One.
Many Christians, I have been one of them, have mistakenly taken the words of Jesus in the New Testament and turned them into Old Testament Law. A perfect example of this can be found in the Beatitudes. The Beatitudes sound like if you do one thing there will be a positive experience. The opposite must also be true. If i do not do something then I will receive a negative experience.
"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God."
If I am pure in heart I will see God, therefore if I am not pure in heart I will not see God.
or how a bout this one......
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God."
If I am making peace I will be a child of God, therefore if I do not make peace I can't be a child of God.
This is a huge trap that I believe many Christians fall into. It is very close to the hellish thought of karma. If i do good I will receive good (from the universe) or something like that.
So what should we make of Jesus' words in the New Testament.
1) Realize that there is nothing you can do to earn favor/salvation/love/respect from God. There is nothing I can do to improve or decrease my relationship with God. He did it. He accomplished it all. That is grace. While we were far from God He saved our butts.
2) If we follow Jesus' "rules" we will have better life. It's common sense sometimes. In one area he says "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28).
Will you go to hell for looking at a woman lustfully? No. That's not the point. You will have a better relationship with your significant other if do not lust after other women.
3) The words of Jesus show us what Heaven (eventually the New Jerusalem) will look like in the future.
You and I have the chance to show people this better lifestyle. We can give them a foretaste of the feast to come. We can give them an appetizer, a little taste, a bite, so that they will hunger and thirst for more of Jesus in this life and the life to come.
One last thing.
If you are familiar with the Bible you will notice that at the tail end of Chapter 5 in Matthew's Gospel Jesus said, "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."
Sounds pretty straight forward. What should we make of a comment like this?
Let's test it under the three theories I made above.
1) God's grace means that there is nothing we can do to save ourselves so this is clearly not a matter of salvation.
2) Talks about having a better life if we follow the "rules." In context with the rest of what Jesus is saying He is talking about loving those who cant love you back. Hmmm. Sounds like God. "if you love those who love you, what reward will you get?"
This relates to the second theory because we are improving the world by showing people the perfect love of God. That is love that excepts nothing in return.
3) This one is easy. You are showing people what it looks like to live in the Kingdom of God.
One more thing.....
You don't have to be perfect. Jesus was perfect. He is perfect. And will always be perfect. God actually sees you as perfect if you have put your trust in Jesus. My prayer for you this morning is to be released from guilt and shame that might have influence that way you see yourself or the way you see God.
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